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Episode IV: The Barons Of Shakedown

By on Mar 24, 2016 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

  “FALAFEL AND A PICKLE BABY!”               “Yea bro. I’ll take one.”   “Coming right up that’s a dollar extra for the pickle, kid.” “What?!?! You’re charging extra for the pickle? You capitalist fuck”. “The Lot’s not what it once was, br3h. No more freebies. Wooks everywhere are turning a profit.” “This…This doesn’t make sense.” The custie n00b payed RJ the extra dollar for the pickle and moved on. He was heading over to Shakedown to score some molly and heady nuggz. Things were different. Wooks didn’t have their fingers in the air. They were actually flipping tix for a profit and they had purchased their own show tickets. They weren’t asking for kickdowns or looking for ground scores. They had retooled their business models. The dependent nature of the Wook Collective was fading fast. The custie n00b found his moll and scored a g of midZ...

Episode III: The Fall Of The Lot

By on Nov 7, 2015 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

“Where….where am I….what is this place?” As the Prophet of Dependence came to and his vision cleared, he found himself dangling upside down. He was spinning around on what appeared to be a dimly lit stage…The Prophet was rocking back and forth suspended from the ceiling by a thick, aged dreadlock. Two wooks of the most putrid stench stood by his side…they appeared to be guards of some sort dressed in similar uniform. Seated across the room from the dangling profit sat a shadowy figure. He was behind some sort of sound board. Four lights suddenly illuminated above him.” “Greg Allman?”, the prophet muttered. “Indeed. We’ve been preparing for you,” the apparition of Allman proclaimed. You should prove an interesting challenge. Quite possibly the most interesting to dangle from that dreadlock. Do you know where you are, Prophet?” The dangling Prophet scanned his surroundings. It was a...

Begun The Wook Wars Have

By on Jul 12, 2015 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

Episode II – Wooks At War In honor of their highest spiritual day of obligation, Wooks across Tour had agreed upon a 24 hour period of armistice from the recent outbreak of polarized civil skirmish within the Wook Community. The traditional High Services in Boulder had commenced at midnight and the Elder Hierarchs had engaged in the long honored practice of seamless puffing and raging meditation. The Wookie Prophets were deep into their spiritual connection with heady crystals in their Flatiron Mountain Cave Lair. This mythical process vested each Prophet with a sole responsibility, resulting in the sustainment of the Wook spiritual balance, clean vibes and good luck with kick-downs for an entire year of Touring. The Prophet of Dependence was to meld his mind with the crystals to emit a cosmic cipher that would enable Wooks to sustain their helplessness and refusal to claim...

Prelude: Wooks Are Falling Apart

By on Jun 23, 2015 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Spring, 2012… As Summer Tour approaches, there is growing unrest in the Wooks Universe.   Northeast Wooks are rioting over the recent taxation of hemp dog collars. Southern Wooks are engaging Midwest Wooks in territory disputes. Alpine Valley has been commandeered by rogue foot soldiers from Ashville. Our brethren in Boulder claim neutrality as the city is the Wook epicenter of the universe, and thus, a hallowed sanctuary. Tension amongst West Coast Wooks mounts due to the lack of Phish tour dates in their vicinity. They have claimed responsibility for several incidences of terrorism in Burlington. As Furthur Tour rages on, factions are developing that either support or condemn Phil & Bobby’s blatant refusal to just call it quits. Two of our headiest brahs have been dispatched to Ithaca to investigate reports of a Wook army in training. Meanwhile, reports that the...